


Pseudo big brothers rage

by heartbreakerninja



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angry twins, Dolores Umbridge Bashing, Dolores Umbridge is Her Own Warning, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotionally done Harry, Gen, Good Severus Snape, Hurt Harry, Hurt Harry Potter, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Inspired by the hogwarts list lightly, Its just buried down deep, Magic, Physical Abuse, Plotbunnies, Pseudo big brothers, Seriously this kid needs a hug, Severus Snape Has a Heart, Vengeful fred, Vengeful george, Way deep, magical abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:48:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22194307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartbreakerninja/pseuds/heartbreakerninja
Summary: Fred and George figure out about what's been going on in Harry's so called detentions with professor Umbridge. And to put it lightly they're not at all happy. They cant let this abuse stand. And since they've elected themselves as Harry's older brothers they're going to fix this one way or another. Antics issue as the twins take out their rage on the ministry toad in true Weasley twin fashion. With a few amazing and just this side of insane pranks.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 187





	1. Big brothers prerogative

Harry should have know that the moment that the twins learned about what was really happening in his “detentions” with Umbridge that they would be royally ticked off. Don’t get him wrong Ron and Hermione were just as ticked; but he knew he could keep them from doing something reckless. The twins on the other hand? Pfft. He’d have better luck getting Voldemort to surrender. 

Really it shouldn’t have surprised him. Really it shouldn’t have. Actually if he had been more awake and not so dragged down by….well… EVERYTHING, he may have actually seen it coming. This was Fred and George he was talking about! Since when did they take anyone screwing with their brothers? And as far as those two were concerned, and Harry if he was honest with himself, they all were brothers. 

The older Weasley brothers had pretty much adopted Harry his second year when they broke him out of his aunt and uncles place that faithful summer. Said it on more then one occasion that he was their unofficial adopted brother. So when they found out someone was not only messing with, but also torturing their little brother, and a teacher no less?!?!?! (Snape didn’t count he hated everyone) Well lets say they were not to happy. That had been an eventful morning.

Harry wasn’t sure who told them. He would have guessed Ron if he didn’t look just as confused when the two had all but yanked Harry away from his breakfast (sleeping next to it really) and pulling his injured hand to them. Both wearing identical looks of such seriousness that any protest that Harry would have given died in his throat. He stayed completely still and quiet as they removed the bandage he’d placed around his hand. He was to shocked to move. To worn down to protest. To be honest he was just to the point of so done with it all that he was numb to it. If he had been in better shape he’d have never let them see. They never would have known.

George sat beside him shielding him from then other side of the table. From curious classmates and teachers alike. They knew to be discreet as possible. Fred had him turned away from the table so the other tables couldn’t see either. George sat almost on top of him. Pulling him close to not only hold him in place but to give him a shoulder to lean on. Harry appreciated it more then they would ever know. It helped to keep his shaking down to an invisible tremble. George kept an arm around his lower back for support as he waited for his twin to begin.

Fred held Harry’s injured hand as gently as possible as he examined the white cotton banged wrap. It was fresh so none of the blood from the night before was seen. Unlike the old wrap he took off that morning. The twin held his hand and wrist firmly to keep the trimmers he could feel from Harry at a minimum. He hesitated for only a moment before looking at Harry in the eyes searchingly. Harry wasn’t sure what he was looking for but a moment later Fred turned to his twin and nodded before letting out a tired breath Harry hadn’t realized the older boy had been holding. He then begin the silent process of unwrapping the younger boys hand. 

It only took a minute or two but to Harry it felt like forever before the finally piece was unraveled. George sucked in a startled breath before holding Harry tighter to him. Harry kept his eyes on Fred. For his part Fred kept his face blank and didn’t react outwardly other then to hold Harry’s hand and wrist a bit more firmly for a moment. He stayed gentle as he examined the words cut into Harry’s flesh. His eyes stayed serious but the muscles around his mouth tightened into a harder frown as he stared at the marks. Memorizing the words etched in the once unblemished skin. 

All 3 stayed silent and unmoving for a good 3 minutes. All around them their schoolmates happy chatter continued. Only Ron and Hermione seemed privy to the silent moment between the three. None spoke. Till Fred closed his eyes with a tired sigh.

“How?” Fred said quietly. Only loud enough for Harry and George to hear. He didn’t have to clarify what he meant. Harry understood.

“Blood quill.” Harry answered in a hoarse whisper. Fred’s eyes snapped open in shocked out rage as he stared at Harry’s tired eyes. Those quills were banned. And for good reason. Only used for specialized Contracts and rituals. And even then they were altered to not leave a mark. It was illegal for a minor to even be handed one let alone used on them. And a ministry official not only possessed one but USED it on a minor! She could be jailed for even handing a child a blood quill.

“How” Fred sucked in a breath before continuing. George was still to stunned to speak.  
“How many times has she made you use that quill.” His voice strained and quiet to keep from shouting out in rage. It wouldn’t do to let the frog of a woman know who was on to her.

Harry didn’t answer at first. To busy trying not to let the tears burning his eyes fall and to keep his voice steady. He would not give her the satisfaction of breaking him. Finally he took a shaky breath before answering.

“I lost count after the 2nd night of lines.” Fred’s eyes closed as he took a calming breath. He couldn’t loose it in front of Harry. Harry didn’t need that. He needed Fred to be strong. He needed to know his pseudo big brother was going to take care of him. 

He opened his eyes to see Harry looking down at his lap. Fred looked at his twin to see the same fire and rage that mirrored his own. They would not let this stand. 

Gently, Fred carefully rewrapped Harry’s injured hand before placing it gently into Harry’s lap. He watched as the way to skinny boy pulled it closer to him to protect it from harm. He still hadn’t looked up and was staring at his lap intently. 

Fred slowly sat like George on Harry’s other side, Ron moving over enough to give his older brother room. He mirrored his brother wrapping an arm around the smaller boy only his were on Harry’s upped back.

Fred waited for Harry to react. When he did not he learned his head down so only Harry could hear him. Har do you need a moment or a way out of the room for a bit?” Harry hesitated for a moment before Shakely nodding. Fred nodded to him as well before turning to Ron.

“Get him out of here quietly. Hermione can tell Hagrid where you’re at. He wont mind you skipping his class this once. Take him to an unused classroom if you have to just do it quickly and discreetly.” Ron nodded grimly before pulling Harry to his feet carefully. The younger boy coming with almost meekly. 

“C'mon mate lets get out of here.” Harry only nodded as he and Ron slipped unnoticed from the hall. Fred watched them go before turning to Hermione. She had stayed unusually quiet during the whole exchange not saying a word. She turned to Fred expectantly. 

“Tell Hagrid what ever you have to. But do not tell him about that quill. It will only make it worse for Harry if you do. Tell him Harry was feeling sick if you have to but keep that quill out of it.” Hermione nodded jerkly. She understood. She didn’t like it but understood. This wasn’t something to bring to the gentle giants attention. She wouldn’t have let slip what was going on to the twins after Ron and Harry had gone to bed if she thought a teacher could help.

“What do you have planned for this?” Hermione whispered hoarsely to the red headed twins. Fred and George looked at each other with identically growing sinister looking smirks. Hermione gave an involuntary shudder when they looked back at her. Fred grinned more at the girls response but it was George who finally spoke.

“Oh we’ve got a few ideas.”

No one messed with what they claimed as their own and got away with it for long.


	2. An Unlikely Ally

The Weasley twins were a lot of things. Ask anyone around them for any amount of time and the top 3 things told would be funny, Witty, and charismatic. Spend a few days in their company and terrors, mischievous, and instigators get added to the list. If you’re their teacher or mother delinquents may also be added. If you happen to be good friends, or even an enemy for that matter, protective and possibly possessive of their people (friends or family) gets added to their description. But the one thing that seems to slip most people description of the two is their intelligence. 

Truth be told the twins don’t mind. They actually prefer it as it gets them some leeway when trying to get away with a complex and tricky prank. If people see it as way above their intelligence to pull off they are more likely to get away with it and get the Ravenclaws blamed again. Sure they are known for being amazing beaters, the best in Hogwarts history possibly, and amazing pranksters; but no one seems to think of the brain power it takes to come up with what they do.

Snape on the other hand is quite aware that the two have more to them then they let on. They wouldn’t be in his Newt level potions class otherwise. Not that he didn’t wish otherwise most days. One of his passing requirements is to with take a existing potion and make changes to it that would enhance it or create a new potion based on an approved of thesis. The position is to be done either alone or in groups of 2 or 3. Obviously the twins work together. And they of course chose to create a new potion. Their thesis was to create a potion that would give the user the ability to be undesirable to dementors. They explained in their thesis that since not everyone could produce a patrons, young children especially, that the potion would be invaluable in times such as these. (They did not spell out the dark lords return but heavily hinted). A large under taking for 2 boys who had just reached their majority. 

Usually Snape would reject such an undertaking for being to bold and risky; but they gave a compelling argument in their report that even Snape was intrigued to see if they could pull it off. It wasn’t a necessary for the potion to work per say to pass but it did have to show promise and progress to be eligible. It was an on going project to be completed before the end if the year. Progress of the project would be shown to him for review at the end of each month. This also counted towards the finally grade. It was also a good point for Snape to give constructive criticism and assistance to his students to help then achieve the end goal. So far he only had to give small amount of tips to the twins regarding the project. He would not be surprised if they actually succeeded before the due date and would be remised if they ended up failing. So far they were the furthest along in the class having gotten to the point that testing would be soon be an option. (He was going to have to find a way for that to happen soon. A letter to the ministry may be in order to obtain access to a dementor for study)

Today was supposed to be one of the classes in class work days for said project. And Snape was concerned. Mildly so but still his instincts were warning him that that the twins were working on was NOT their project. He, of course, couldn’t be completely sure to be honest as this was a brand new potion and he didn’t know exactly how it was supposed to look or change. But the last check in was 3 days ago and the potion he had been shown was still a lilac color with iridescent squares’ish looking bubbles and had a light smoky bacon scent. The bubbling cauldron in front of them now was neither lilac nor did it have square'ish bubbles. It was bright orange with wispy cloud like bubbles wavering just above the lip of the cauldron. He couldn’t detect what scent it had with the other potions brewing in the room but he could definitely say he did not smell bacon. Deciding that a closer inspection was needed and subtlety was called for Snape casted a silent notice me not spell before wandering the room.

As he came behind the twins he was able to get a better look at the boys notes and potion. By their notes it was definitely not the correct potion. The ingredients were not even close as frogs breath had never been listed as a possible choice nor had powdered slug or bog water. They wouldn’t not help in any kind of protection. They would though work together to dry out ones throat and voice box. Snape was highly confused. Had they given up and decided to do something else? Not without consent. Unless it was another of their prank candy and they decided to use class time and resources to do it.

A frown further marred the potions masters face as he began getting ready to throttle the twins for wasting his time only to stop suddenly when one of the twins spoke to the other.

“You reckon we can get it slipped in the toads morning pumpkin juice?”

“We can if we get the house elves in on it.”

“You think they’d help?”

“Ha! With how much they hate her I doubt we’ll have any trouble convincing them. Besides they’ve helped before for less worthy a cause.”

“True. The ministry toad really sealed her own doom when she kicked that house elf for helping that first year get to class.”

“Hehe yeah she better be glad that the house elves arnt usually the revenge seeking type.”

“Doesn’t mean they won’t assist when the opportunity is dropped into their laps.”

“So true and with this fun little potion she won’t he yelling at anyone any time soon. Be to busy croaking and turning a bit green around the collar.”

“Yes the toad on the brain potion will be our best creation yet.”

“The woman wont know what hit her.”

“And the professors will be to busy trying not to laugh to help her.”

“Haha yep. Take that you old toad. No one messes with those that are ours and gets away with it.”

The twins continued with their work unaware of the astonished professor behind them. All notions of anger and annoyance had completely been forgotten. Astonishment and dumbfoundedment had completely taken their place. They were creating a completely new potion. Of their own design. In just under an hour no less. Just to prank the ministry’s high inquisitor! And from the sound of it all because she wronged someone close to the teens. Who that person that was wronged was still a mystery though a few names came to mind. Their little sister was a likely candidate as was their friends Angela or Mr Jordan. Their younger brother was also a contender as was one Mr Potter. Their protective display in the last few days where that one was concerned made him the most likely candidate. 

Snape stepped back a bit and just observed the twins. He was at a loss of what to do. On one hand he should stop what they were doing as well as take major points away for miss using class time. Let alone describing human experimentation on a unknowing participant. Which should be a few major weeks of detentions if not out right expulsion. On the other hand…..

On the other hand he, like everyone else, really really hated that woman. Just the other day she had come into his office demanding he whip up a few vats of Veritaserum for her own use in her investigation. Not just a cauldron or two. But an actual vat. The woman had obviously never paid attention in potions as a child nor did she understand the science and time it took to make the truth potion. She also was not going to compensate him for the used ingredients or his time in making them. Sighting it as his duty as a potion master to assist her in her duty’s as the high inquisitor. Ha!

Snape looked back down at the boys notes and potion in turn studying it before making up his mind.

“Mr. Weasley’s if you want that potion to work you’ll need to start stirring it counter clockwise as you put in the powdered slugs.” Snape droned out; inwardly smirking when the two troublemakers jumped before freezing in their seers.

As one the twins turned to look at their potions professor in slight terror as well as confusion.

“Sir?” George asked finding his voice first. Snape raised a single eye brow before speaking.

“If you want this potion to work as intended you better head my advise.” Snape stated; giving them a pointed look before walking back to his desk.

Both boys watched him walk away in utter bewilderment. 

“Did he just..”

“Yep and I still don’t believe it”

“And we're..”

“For once no but I doubt he’d let us do it again without repercussions”

“You think he'll…”

“Doubt it. She isnt in his good graces either so I don’t foresee him blabbing.” George gave Fred an unimpressed look.

“Am I allowed to finish a sentence?” 

“You just did.” Fed laughed as his brother gave him a sour look before they both retuned to their work. They’d just been given a pass to prank another professor by Snape of all people. They were not looking a gift hippogriff in the mouth.

The next morning Snape had to work a little harder at not laughing his head off when Delores started croaking like a frog and caught a fly out of mid air with he new elongated tongue. Though the horror on her face almost was his undoing. 

Of course no one was able to pin point on who had spiked the Defense professors juice after she had been returned to normal. Nor was anyone forthcoming on suggestions.

Snape sure wasn’t going to divulge the identity of said pranksters. Not this time anyway. Besides he still wanted to see if they would succeed in their class project.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a bit. I hit a bit of a wall on inspiration. So I decided to take a look at the "I will not do... List of Hogwarts" for inspiration. This was not one of the things listed but did spring to mind after I read one about not slipping a sleeping potion into a professors drink. Obviously I didn't go with sleeping potion but that was the inspiration for the twins toad potion. I also wanted to bring in a professor as an ally but couldn't decided at first on who. Originally I had thought about using McGonagall. She was an obvious choice. But after the 2nd paragraph when I was done with their attributes Snape was who pushed his way into the roll. Originally I was going to have them overheard in the common room or hallway. But Snape offered a unique opportunity with his Newt level class. It was a bit tricky as I wanted Snaps to be as much in original character as possible. I think he still came out a bit to OC but what can you do?
> 
> Anyway I hoped you liked this chapter. Don't worry we're just getting warmed up and more chaos is in store.
> 
> Also if you have a prank idea you'd like me to incorporate dont hesitate to comment below. I will try and put as many in as possible.


	3. Take a break. Doctors orders!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for this chapter and the abrupt ending of it.

Really Hermione only had herself to blame for this one. It was her idea over Easter to have the twins, Ron, and Harry come over to her place for a few days. Her parents had been complaining for a while that they didn’t see her enough over the holidays and that they had not yet met her friends. And So she thought it be a great idea to invite them over.

Originally, she was just going to invite Harry and Ron; but then thought better of it after what she’d seen and heard one late night that she couldn’t sleep. After that she knew she had to bring the twins along as well. She just didn’t realize what that would cause. Of course, she still couldn’t have left them behind. Not with what they were doing for Harry.

It had all started, of course, with a sleepless night:

She had been heading down to the common room to do some knitting so not wake her roommates with the light. It was one of those nights she just couldn’t sleep. No amount of counting sheep or fact reviewing in her head, not even the periodic table worked, could help her sleep. So she thought she’d get some knitting done instead.

She was just about to step into the common room when Fred’s, or maybe George (she never could tell the difference by voice alone), voice met her ears.

“Har this isn’t healthy; you can keep going like this. Its going to get you sick and then where will you be?” Fred/George spoke urgently. The tone of voice stopped her in her tracks. She never liked eavesdropping, thought it was rude. But she couldn’t help herself when she heard how absolutely hollowed out Harry sounded when he answered.

“There’s no other way. I can’t, I won’t, see what he’s doing. I don’t care what kind of advantage it gives the light. I can’t do it anymore. Not on top of everything else. Not on top of the ministry’s toad and the snakes, and the upcoming Easter break. I just can’t!” Harry said in a strained and shaking voice. He sounded so pained that Hermione almost ran out to hug him. But she held herself back. Harry obviously didn’t want her or others knowing what was going on in his head. He didn’t want them to see how close to breaking he obviously was. He put up such a strong front that not even she was aware of just how bad things had gotten. 

Obviously she knew that he was hurting and pushing himself too much. That people were putting to much on his over burden shoulders. That he put to much on his own shoulders. That to much was happening to fast and he wasn’t given time to process and calm down before the next thing happen. She would have to be deaf and blind to miss that. But apparently more was happening behind those green eyes then even she nor Ron was apparently aware of. But not the twins. Very little got past them on a normal day. They’d seen right through those tired green eyes.  
They’d apparently seen and were willing to confront him on about it too.

Hermione sat on the steps of the girl’s dorm listening to what was being said. Maybe she could come up with a plan to help.

“I know its hard Harry but not sleeping is going to make it worse. What if you crash during potions or, heaven forbid, Defense! That toad will take that and run with it. She’d probably use it to get you put into St Mungo’s long-term ward or something. Then where will we be. Me and Fred can’t exactly steal another flying car to break you out again.” George said with a strained laugh, trying to lighten the mood a bit with the car jab. It worked, somewhat, pulling a strained chuckle from Harry.

“Yeah I guess that would be a bit difficult now with the car hiding in the forest and all. But hey, maybe the extended vacation would be good for me? And you never know maybe it would make it easier on everyone else? You know. The toad will be happy, so she’d lay off on you guys. And of course, the Daily Prophet wouldn’t miss that kind of story. So then voldy will know where I am and then this will finally be done with.” Harry finished with a hollow laugh.” Hermione didn’t have to see the twins to see the wince. She felt it down to her soul.

“That’s not funny Har” Fred/George said flatly. Harry must have shrugged. But Hermione wasn’t sure.

“I’m serious Harry that isn’t the answer and you know it. Maybe not consciously right now, but deep down you know that that isn’t the way for this to end. You’re no quitter. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you take something lying down. Why would you want to start now with the toad? She’s just a ministry lackey. In an honest fight you’d be able to take her down and out before she even raised her wand. You know more about dueling then most Aurors will know in their entire career. Except maybe Moody.”

“That’s not…” 

“Not in the textbook style duel. But in a real-world fight of flight battle no one can out duel you. Ginny may be able to Hex better then the best of us; but you can duel her any day of the week. Same with this old hag. You probably could out-think Dumbledore if given incentive enough. Please don’t sell yourself short.”

Hermione bit her lip to keep from speaking out. She could barely take it. What she was hearing. What Harry was going through. She knew it was bad but she didn’t realize how bad.

“Fred…I … I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m just so tired. I can’t…. I can’t keep going on like this. And I can’t just dump it on anyone. There’s nothing they can do about it. They can’t just stop her. They can’t stop Voldemort obviously; and they can’t get him out of my head anymore then I can keep myself out of his. I just… I just can’t keep screaming myself awake. I can’t keep doing that to Ron and Nev. Let alone the rest of the guys in the dorm. They need to sleep too.”

“Then stay with us!” You can share one of our beds and we can wake you up if you go to deep. Seriously it will be fun. Like a sleep over or something.”

“George I can do that to you guys. What about your sleep? Or your dorm-mates?"

“Pssh don’t worry about that. There are two of us and one of you. And beside the only other person in our dorm is Jordan and he’ll understand just fine. He’s a pretty deep sleeper anyway. I’m serious we’ve tested it. He slept through an actual foghorn. Don’t worry he’ll stay asleep though anything.” 

Hermione heard Harry give a hiccup sob/sigh. She guessed he gave an affirmative nod.

“Good then its settled. Let’s head up to bed. Me and Gorge usually share most nights anyway, so our bed is larger anyway; so you can sleep in between.”

“And don’t feel weird about it. We used to do this with Ginny and Ron when they were younger all the time after bad nights. Don’t tell Ron we said that though. You know how he is about these kinds of things.” Harry gave a small giggle to that obviously agreeing.

Hermione slipped up into the curve of the stairs to hide in the shadows as the twins, with Harry snug between them, made it up the stairs. Fred pushed George and with Harry up the stairs saying he’ll be up in a second.  
Both nodded tiredly before continuing up. Fed stayed looking up the stairs after them till he heard the door close.

Hermione stayed quite and waited for Fred to leave the stairs so that she could make it up to the girl’s dorm without being seen. Unfortunately for her Fred already knew she was there. Fred turned towards the girl’s stairway with a stern look on his face freezing Hermione where she stood. It reminder her of a cross between Mrs. Weasley and Percy’s looks of disapproval.

“I expect that what you heard will not be brought up between you and Ron nor will you speak of it with Harry correct?” Fred stated with a bit of warning in his voice. Hermione gave a small “eep” of surprise before nodding. Fred nodded. And went to move before Hermione spoke up.

“T-take care of him…OK? I…I didn’t realize just how much he’s been hurting.” Hermione spoke a just above a whisper. Fred gave a sharp nod before turning to her with a small smile.

“Don’t worry your bushy little head. Har’s safe with us. Now you take care of you. Can’t have the brains of the “golden trio” falling asleep on the job, now can we?” Hermione gave a giggle before turning towards her own dorm with a nod and a small wave.

“Night Fred”

“Night ‘Mione.”

And that had been that. Ron later told Hermione a week later that Harry was disappearing from the dorm most nights and he had no idea where he was going. The first few times he went to look for him and couldn’t find him in the common room and that the invisibility cloak was still in his trunk. He was worried and didn’t know what to do. Not wanting to upset Harry, who obviously was sleeping better somewhere, and scaring him back to the dorm; where he was, obviously, not really sleeping at all. Hermione told him not to worry and that Harry was in safe hands and left it at that. Ron knew enough not to ask any more questions.

Now though she had to revise her plans for Easter. She obviously couldn’t separate the twins from Harry. They’d become to much of a lifeline to his sanity at this point. She doubted they would let him out of their sights long enough anyway.

So she penned a return to her parents and got the green light before sharing the news with the others. Her parents were a little worried that is was only boys, but she assured them that they were all like brothers. She didn’t mention that they were like brothers to each other not the other way around with one in particular. That didn’t matter for the moment anyway.

The Weasley’s got the OK pretty quickly. It took a bit more push to get an OK for Harry. Dumbledore was the one who finally got the rest to see it as a good idea. With Sirius backing him up of course. All was a go. Now all they had to worry about was the toad finding out what was up. Knowing her she’d find some crazy spin on it to try and keep them all at the school. That would be just their luck. Thankfully though lady luck was on their side and they were able to leave for the short break without a problem.

And it was just what the doctor ordered. That is until Hermione had the brilliant idea to introduce the wizards to one of the most popular forms of muggle entertainment. Movies.

One of those movies was a new one that she had gotten the year before. “It Takes Two”. She thought it was a pretty safe movie to show the twins. Little did she know exactly what she was going to unleash. She didn’t count on the twin’s prankster side taking a certain part of the movie to heart.

But that was for after Easter break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So not an actual prank in this one. Sorry. I was going for it and then this chapter came out instead and I couldn't condense it without taking out further plot pushing parts. But on the plus side this leads into a prank I've wanting to do for a while. This wasn't totally my own idea. I kinda borrowed pieces of it from one of the Harry Potter groups pages on Facebook. But also its been an idea I've come across in the past from other fandom's that I've wished was in Harry Potter but have yet to actually see happen. What prank am I eluding to? lol well I gave you a clue with the movie. So maybe you already know but for those you don't know you'll just have to wait for the next chapter lol. Comment below if you think you know where this is heading lol


	4. FOOD FIGHT!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title says it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. We've been doing spring cleaning.

Hermione would forever blame herself for, what students would refer to for years later as, “The event”. 

Really it was totally her fault. She had shown them the movie. Honestly, she should have seen this coming. But she had been so focused on how relaxed Harry had been for the short break that she didn’t think about much else. Only that all her friends were safe and reasonably happy for once and that there was no eminent danger waiting in the wing. Other then the danger that was ALWAYS waiting in the wing. Cant really forget about Voldemort now can we?

Anyway,

The break had gone well. Everyone got enough sleep and rest. Everyone, including Harry, had had a great time and were actually quite despondent about returning. But return they must.

On the other hand the twins looked down right gleeful to return. That should have been Hermione’s first clue that something was up. The heavy whispers with their heads bent over an old notebook as they scribbled away in it should have been her 2nd clue. And then the smirking and hinted jabbing jokes should have been her 3rd and final clue. But all of it flew right past her and no warning bells rang in her head. 

That would be a mistake.

They had been back for about 5 days now. And it was now Friday. They were all in the great hall having dinner. Well, Harry was picking at most of his but at least he’d eaten something. Hermione could tell he was dreading his next detention with Professor Umbridge.

Really it was quite stupid really. She did ask if any of the students had prior knowledge of the chapter, they were reading they just had to let her know and she’d give them something else to study. It wasn’t Harry’s fault that the next chapter was on the unforgivables. Plus, anyone who knew who Harry was knew that he would be one of the ones who had advance knowledge on the subject. 

Actually the class as a whole had advance knowledge of the unforgivable’s after what they were taught the year before by the imposter. Was it such a stretch that Harry knew enough to skip the chapter? Apparently not enough for the Toad. The detention really was stupid and completely out of line for a teacher who’d given the option in the first place.

Hermione sighed and tried to return to her dinner. There wasn’t anything they could do right now. The wretched woman had Hogwarts under her thumb for the time being.

Hermione looked over to Harry to try and coax him into eating more when movement caught her eye. Turning towards the end of the table she saw the twins with their wands out. Hermione squinted at them in both confusion and to try and discern what they were up to. They had what looked like a pile of pies beside them. Hermione shot up straight, eyes wide open and mouth agape, when she realized what they were doing. The twins were levitating the pies in the air! Looking up she could see that there were already 5 other trays of food floating amongst the candles.

Hermione was speechless. Exactly what were those two planning to do with all that food? Hermione poked both Ron and Harry to get their attention quietly before pointing to what the twins were doing. Both gave startled yelps which thankfully were not noticed in the loud room.

“Hermione?”

“Yeah Harry”

“Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to show the twins that movie.” Hermione gave Harry a puzzled look before it dawned on her what he meant…. oh no. Ron caught on surprisingly fast and spoke before Hermione could.

“Snap you cant mean?” Harry gave a sharp nod; eyes never leaving the twins.

“Yep.” He said, popping the P.

“They wouldn’t.” Hermione said grimly. Knowing full well that they would. Harry and Ron both gave a wince as they watched the first pie fly across the room at the Hufflepuffs table. Smacking a muggle born 3rd year square in the face. Looks like it was chocolate.

“They would.” Both said at the same time. 

“Oh No.” Hermione said with defeat as she let her head clunk harshly onto the table. Silence was a deafening ring as the room lost every bit of noise. Both teachers and students alike were completely shocked into silence trying to discern what just happened.

Before anyone could make a sound or move, another pie flew from behind the staff table landing on the front of a 5th year Ravenclaw. Also, a muggleborn. And a 3rd landed on the head of a 2nd year Gryffindor. 

That was all that was needed for 3 3rd years, obviously muggleborn, Gryffindors and 2 Hufflepuffs to stand at the same time and screamed: “FOOD FIGHT!!” Before all Hell broke loose. 

The Twins let the rest of the flood fly at different tables, including a large tin of macaroni and cheese to land on Draco and his goons, causing absolute chaos to ensue. Students were picking up food with their hands and tossing it across the tables at the other house’s. No one knew who threw the first pie and really it didn’t look like they cared. It was all out war. 

Hermione knowing what was coming quickly got under the table to save both her books and her hair. She quickly crammed the books into her bag before looking up, only to find that a grinning Harry and Ron had followed her lead and had also ducked under the table.

“Mums gonna have a stroke if they find out who started this.” Ron said with a laugh as Harry grinned in agreement. 

“Don’t you mean when?” Harry said as he pulled his legs farther under the table to keep from getting splattered. Ron shook his head.

“There’s no way they can figure out who started this one. Not unless someone tells.” Ron said giving Hermione a pointed look. Hermione rolled her eyes.

“I’m not saying a word. If I did then I’d have to explain how they got the crazy idea in the first place. No thank you.” Hermione said with a huff causing both Ron and Harry to laugh.

“How long do you think this will last?” Ron asked as he peeked out to watch the absolute chaos. Neither Harry no Hermione had the answer.

Students looked to have forgotten they had wands and were throwing fists full of food at each other. The room filled with screams and shouts as well as squeals of joy and whoops of victory. Looking up to the staff table the teachers looked to be less of trying to stop the food fight and more of pulling up shields to defend themselves from the flying food. Poor Hagrid was trying to use McGonagall as a human shield much to her displeasure. Ron laughed as he watched her try and swat Hagrid away while simultaneously keep her shield up to defend against the flying food and platters.

Dumbledore looked to be lazily flicking his shield about to keep from getting hit by the food but looked otherwise completely at ease and almost amused. If Ron didn’t know any better, he’d say the old man was enjoying himself. 

As the 3 looked around them they could see obvious war lines between the Gryffindor’s and Slytherin’s. They were in all out war. Looking towards the Ravenclaws they were met with the fascinating and shocking sight of mini catapults that someone had transfigured and were using to fling food across the room. The Hufflepuffs didn’t seem to be on anyone side and were flinging food at everyone in their sights. There was obvious signs that magic had been used at first but now students were grabbing platters of food, that were all magically refilling as fast as the students could throw them, with their bare hands and chucking it with all their might.

The war looked like it would go on forever. That is until McGonagall got a cake to the face. The room froze. Students with food still in mid swing just stopped and stared in horror as frosting and cake fell down the older witches stunned face. That is until Dumbledore gave a snicker and tried to hide his chocolate cake covered hands behind his back.

“ALBUS!” She shrieked. This broke the Stunned silence and Chaos ensued once more when it was concluded that the headmaster was the one to chuck the cake. 

The fight continued for a few hours more. Students slowly pealing off from their tables to head for their common rooms while Umbridge continued to try and retain order to no avail. Someone had knocked her wand from her hand with a flying turkey and she had not yet recovered it. Instead, she was trying to yell above the noise and only getting mashed potatoes to the face for her troubles. A Dozen students would forever swear that it was Snape that had done it, but none could truly prove it. It would forever be the biggest mystery of “The event” Right up there with who started it. 

Everyone had their suspicions of course. Some thought it had to have been a muggleborn. A few actually thought that it was a Slytherin. Of course, the Slytherins would loudly protest that it was the Gryffindor that had started it. Ravenclaws denied all involvement. And of course, the twins had crossed almost everyone’s minds at least once. And Umbridge had tried to pin it on Harry. Eyewitness accounts of him almost falling asleep into his plate and then hiding under the table for most of the fight pretty much nixed that.

The twins just grinned and kept their mouths shut on the subject. 

Hermione would just roll her eyes but never said a word.

Ron just grinned.

The truth would go with them to the grave.

Harry just thought that the marauders would have been proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you all think? Any good? When I read the idea on Tumblr I knew I HAD to create this chapter. Its a crying shame that the twins never got a food fight. So I had to fix that :)
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments. Or if you have an idea for a prank I'd love to hear those too :)

**Author's Note:**

> So this idea pooped into my head after I decided to buy a harry potter quote calendar. I was looking over the pages when I noticed that the twins didn't get their own month! Moldyshorts got 2 and the twins got none. And of course I couldn't let my favorite duo not having any love. And that plot bunny some how got my brain down the rabbit hole of Harry being to strong for to long. And what would happen if Fred and George found out about the blood quill. And that has led us to this. I don't know how often I'll update but I already have one prank Simi laid out in my mind.


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